You don’t make me depressed. You make me happy. You make me feel alive, I actually feel like I am breathing, like blood is going through my body, my heart is pumping and my muscles are being used and every sense in my body is sensitive to the slightest breeze. I think of you and I am human.
It’s not you that makes me depressed. I’ve been alone for 3 years and I don’t know how to handle these feelings, I don’t know how to express them, and furthermore, I was left for someone else. 3 years ago I loved someone with all my heart and she looked at me after 3 years together and decided that I wasn’t good enough for her anymore and she left me.
3 years on, I am alone, the same look she gave me, that I was too ugly, too fat, too hairy, too nerdy, too depressed, too ugly… I get that look everyday, and everywhere I go.
It’s been 3 years since then, so the idea that someone as beautiful, smart, brave, charming, funny and magicas you could find me, well… Could see something in me… It scares me. Not because of you, but because I don’t know how to not be alone. I don’t know how to have someone love me and I don’t know how to not be a monster.
But I do know that I am so in love with you… So much that it scares me yes… But I’ll live through the fear if it means I get to feel human again.
(Even if you were Glaswegian)